Under the thumb

Do you ever feel like you are always being judge? I often have felt the anxiety of "well what would they think"? "how are they going to find a way to make fun of me"? On and on, sometimes I think people are like this unintentionally, I don't think they really engage their brain before speaking. Sometimes I still find myself holding onto these things. Often times letting them take hold of me and form me into something I don't want to be. Why does it matter? After all does Heavenly Father really care if I have a brand new car? or a house full of designer furniture? NO, he cares about my heart and who I am not the things that surround my life. Embarrassment is something that is taught and not from Heavenly Father. It causes people to feel like they need to impress those around them to make themselves feel better. I did not grow up in a house that taught judgment or embarrassment. Heck our house was not the cutest house on the block growing up. Often times I found myself to be embarrassed, but why? Of course I am in control of my own feelings, however when you know you are being judged by those who are around you it hurts. I never want that for my kids, I want their friends to except them as they are that includes everything. If they don't then they are not true friend and even worse not very good examples. For me personally this causes me to pull away from Heavenly Father and seek after things that have no real meaning. As for today I am letting them go.... I am in a great place in life and couldn't love it more! Nobody really knows my life except those friends that I am surrounded by. People can think they know and make up your life in their mind, but once again they really have no idea. However I am starting to get to the point were I have to come from a different perspective. I have to see it through Heavenly Fathers eyes and not the eyes of the world. I have never been happier, I have my awesome family and some super great friends. True friends take you as you are, shortfalls and all. There are also those friend who I am not surrounded by that are still a strength to me and I am so grateful for that as well. I love life, Heavenly Father has blessed me with a great husband who is so strong and such a strength to me as well. I am just so thankful to be along side him with our great boys! Its also time to try for a girl! :) I was hoping for twins just to only have to be pregnant once and get two bundles of joy. Since that is highly unlikely guess we will just have to have another 2 close together. That was my morning random rant.....time to get my day started.