Childlike

You know when you are kid and everyone is jumping in the mud puddle, and tells you to join, even though you know you shouldn't? Sometimes as an adult I feel this way, I hate feeling judged and it only makes me feel even more insecure with my actions, things I say and who I am as a person. I am real, I have a heart, a soul and feelings. I feel like sometimes the world today fills kids minds with the idea that its ok to just join in with the crowd and just be normal. That way you will never have to feel uncomfortable or awkward. Parents fill their children with fake self esteem when they baby them and do everything for them. It scares me to think about my kids and how hard I try to help them be independent and strong and only to look at myself and think about who I am. You know when you are eighteen and you think "oh my gosh I am an adult" I mean you pretty much think you know it all. I look back now and even at a mere 25 I sometimes still feel like I tend to get lost in the masses. I know who I am within my core, and only when I am able to experience that again do I realize, "wow I really do love me" To be honest I am a redneck a real true redneck. Someone who would swim in the horse tank on a hot afternoon, rode in the bed of a truck at a young age and saw nothing wrong with it, went fishing and gutted a fish like it was nothing I could go on and on. Things that I actually miss, I think growing up redneck while others may laugh is great. I think families are closer than those who live in the hustle and bustle of the city, I think kids are taught responsibility from a young age, and heck if there was a huge natural disaster and you had to make something out of nothing... could you do it? Ok let me be clear, we might have been redneck and slightly trashy redneck to be honest. I am not saying I want my kids to have mullets and cutoffs with a weed hanging out of their mouth. I just love the idea of being on a farm and doing things as a family that really matter. I mean going to the movies is fun and all but going horseback riding all day with the fam is even funner. (I know that's not a word) I just think once we get older and get past the "I am moving out of this town and going to show everyone I am better than that" state of mind. You look back and realize wow that really was not that bad. I am ok with being naive and maybe not be up in the know, I am ok with my stress being the chickens aren't laying enough eggs. hehe I think the simple life is amazing and can only bring me closer to the best things in life and the life to come. This talk is one of my favorites, its a talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf called "The Things That Matter Most." It is a great talk and really puts life into perspective. Since William and I have decided to just live with what we need it has been so much less stress. We have decluttered our lives, I no longer how a house full of things I have just want I need. I may not have a kitchen full of all the latest cool gadgets but I can make a meal just as good without all that and have a lot less dishes to do too. I hate clutter as I am sure most do and just letting go feels so good. Not having to deal with to much stuff and finding a place to put it makes me smile. Most would say live within your means, I say live below your means, it allows you to have the left overs to use when needed or even when wanted. If I had a huge car payment or paid a ridiculous amount for rent just so I could show that I live in a nice house or drive a nice car I would be missing out on other things. I want to teach my kids that being frugal is cool and who cares if people judge you based on what you drive or the clothes you wear they are not your true friends anyway. I mean feeling embarrassed about something materialistic is petty and when we show this to our children they will grow up thinking they should be ashamed of what they have if its not as good as the neighbors. Showing hard work and dedication for the things you do want, and then feeling good because you worked for it, feels so much better than just getting your way all the time because you can. I would rather drive a beater car, so I could save for a home for my family then have a nice car and no savings account. For some reason the world has gotten things mixed up over the years and I admit to have fallen in that path. I can still remember not thinking that their was anything wrong with the house I lived in as kid until I heard someone make a comment and snicker about it. This is were the insecurities come in and if I teach my children right from the beginning my hope is only that they will be able to withstand the worldly mess that they will have to live in. Feeling judged by those you thought were your friends or want them to be your friends is a huge blow to a kid and even an adult. So I blabbed and blabbed only to say frankly I don't care. I know were I stand and I am so grateful for those who love me for me and I am so thankful for my amazing family! I am happy and healthy and surrounded by amazing people what more could a girl as for? Life is filled with choices and with those choices come conceqeunces whether good or bad. Nobody is perfect not should we expect them to be, everyone has short comings and struggles. I am going to be real, be true, and hold strong to what I know is right no matter the judgements cast in my direction. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!" :)

Old video

This is from our first fall in Texas :) We drove all the way to Tyler, tx and spent the day. We have no desire to go back hehe. William is also making a Sprite commercial for everyone LOL

Our Chevy Chase Day

This day was filled with adventures that made us crack up at ourselves. It started off with the fact that we had to drive a really old van. People were staring at us, probably because we would wave and smile at everyone who looked at us. We were all smashed in this thing. I mean fitting my rear between two car seats is not easy. We drove all the way to Markleeville, California in this thing. I was pleasantly surprised at the get up and go it had up the mountains hehe. Anyway it was a fun ride, and so worth it the mountains were amazing and the hot springs refreshing!

We then proceeded to feed a little squirell which we probably were not supposed to do. But the kids enjoyed it I couldjust imagine the things mouth start to foam and it jump in the old van and start attacking Williams mom or something. HAHA William also decided to change his clothes behind the door of the van! We spared you that part and it is not in the video. hehe

We the headed home and I wanted to record the mountians cause I knew I would miss them. The whole time I videoed upside down! Dont ask me how it looked right from my point of view.

Needless to say it was a great day!! California was beautiful as always and the weather was great, a little chilly for us people from H-E double hockey stick or (Texas) but it was amazing. Cant wait to go back!

Video in Nevada

Oh how I miss the outdoors :)

It been to long....

Sometimes I like to avoid my blog... and just read what everyone else is doing in life. But there has been so many cool and exciting things going on I thought I should share.

1. Cadyn started school!! He is big! I was way more nervous than he was for SURE. I talked about it everday til about Thursday. My husband keep telling me to get my emotions in check cause I was going to scare the kids. haha yeah I am slightly crazy. Well it is now Friday I picked up Cadyn with a smile on his face. He got to pick out pay dough from the treasure bin this week for staying in the green all week (that means he was good) He is doing amazing, I think letting him go and be independent put me into shock for a couple days...but seeing his joy and love for school has made me feel amazing!! Also having only one kid in the house I feel like wow, I have no reason not to get everything done. I had the house all clean by lunchtime and then felt like I wasnt sure what to do. Collyn and I hang out and play and watch Veggie tales :) Its been great!

2.We went to Carson and saw friends and family. It was so fun! A week just was not enough, I actually could have just stayed there as I am sure William felt the same. But as you can see we are back in Texas. Yea! Anyway we got to see friends we havent got to see in a long time. It was great, to see kids that were babys just last year that are so big now. Kids that werent even on this earth yet last year and are already sitting. Others who were just crawlers and are now runners hehe. It was so bitter sweet, it makes me miss home and all the people that go with it. I have more pictures but, I now have a smart phone and I am not even smart enough to use it. SO I dont know how to put the pictures online. I will post more later...

Happy Healthier ME!

Ok so for some time now I have been needing to loose a lot of weight. Quite honestly close to about 50lbs would make me feel good. My mom has always been the best example to me of weight loss as I have seen her drop lbs quickly by doing natural diets over the years. No diet pills, only clean healthly foods. So starting August 22nd I will start my journey! I have to stick to it, no excuses! I have no reason why I cant do it, only my head telling me stupid things. I know at least the first week maybe 2 will suck but it will be worth it. I am saying this because if I put it out there and tell people I have to stick to it. I would honestly put my weight on here but I dont even know how much I weigh I dont even own a scale. So once I invest in one of those I will tell everyone were I am at and were I want to be. I know this is not going to be easy for me, I am going to try to bring my family in on this as much as I can. However my boys will need to keep the basic food groups in their diets as they need everything they eat. As for William I am hoping I can get him to join me as I am sure he will maybe just not to the extreme that I am going. The sad part about that is I am sure he will drop 20lbs in his sleep like men tend to do. On a positive note I know he will support me and be a huge strength as I kick my body into shape. I am not expecting to have a bikini body as having kids changes to many things. Even with a flat tummy there are some things people just should be spared. I have to do this! I can do this!! I am ready to do this! Start to finish! Not that there ever is a finish to a healthy lifestyle, it will be an ongoing life change for me. I am just ready for this and ready to start from the beginning and not try to jump somewhere in the middle only to eventually give up when I stop seeing results. I know this works, I know this will work for me and I am excited for the change and to be a happier healthier me!

My Masterpiece Theater

Who wouldn't want their life to be a little bit of masterpiece theater? Well.... some of it, I mean who wouldn't want to marry Mr. Darcy and kiss in the rain. Anyway we were watching a really good movie last night (Jane Eyre) that reminded me of Masterpiece theater. Most of the time William laughs when we watch romantic movies and ruins the moment every time. I get all annoyed and tell him he just has no heart and cant relate to the characters. Last night he made it all the way through the whole movie without laughing! I couldn't believe it, I was like hmmm were you sleeping or what? He said, "these movies are examples of real life, they show people with struggles and sorrow and of course they always fall in love but its all done in a real way." I think it took me a minute to really grasp that my husband the "robot" was talking about love and not laughing. I guess I just always thought he had no understanding of love, and that everything was a joke to him. Then and there I completely agreed with him, yes, I still will love a good romantic comedy but its so true they are all so fake and planned out and you can see the ending ten minutes in to the movie. It made me see my husband in a new light, that he is not a robot he just believes in real love. Maybe I am the one who doesn't know what that is and therefore cannot express it. Ok random therapy rant..... have a great weekend!