Childlike

You know when you are kid and everyone is jumping in the mud puddle, and tells you to join, even though you know you shouldn't? Sometimes as an adult I feel this way, I hate feeling judged and it only makes me feel even more insecure with my actions, things I say and who I am as a person. I am real, I have a heart, a soul and feelings. I feel like sometimes the world today fills kids minds with the idea that its ok to just join in with the crowd and just be normal. That way you will never have to feel uncomfortable or awkward. Parents fill their children with fake self esteem when they baby them and do everything for them. It scares me to think about my kids and how hard I try to help them be independent and strong and only to look at myself and think about who I am. You know when you are eighteen and you think "oh my gosh I am an adult" I mean you pretty much think you know it all. I look back now and even at a mere 25 I sometimes still feel like I tend to get lost in the masses. I know who I am within my core, and only when I am able to experience that again do I realize, "wow I really do love me" To be honest I am a redneck a real true redneck. Someone who would swim in the horse tank on a hot afternoon, rode in the bed of a truck at a young age and saw nothing wrong with it, went fishing and gutted a fish like it was nothing I could go on and on. Things that I actually miss, I think growing up redneck while others may laugh is great. I think families are closer than those who live in the hustle and bustle of the city, I think kids are taught responsibility from a young age, and heck if there was a huge natural disaster and you had to make something out of nothing... could you do it? Ok let me be clear, we might have been redneck and slightly trashy redneck to be honest. I am not saying I want my kids to have mullets and cutoffs with a weed hanging out of their mouth. I just love the idea of being on a farm and doing things as a family that really matter. I mean going to the movies is fun and all but going horseback riding all day with the fam is even funner. (I know that's not a word) I just think once we get older and get past the "I am moving out of this town and going to show everyone I am better than that" state of mind. You look back and realize wow that really was not that bad. I am ok with being naive and maybe not be up in the know, I am ok with my stress being the chickens aren't laying enough eggs. hehe I think the simple life is amazing and can only bring me closer to the best things in life and the life to come. This talk is one of my favorites, its a talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf called "The Things That Matter Most." It is a great talk and really puts life into perspective. Since William and I have decided to just live with what we need it has been so much less stress. We have decluttered our lives, I no longer how a house full of things I have just want I need. I may not have a kitchen full of all the latest cool gadgets but I can make a meal just as good without all that and have a lot less dishes to do too. I hate clutter as I am sure most do and just letting go feels so good. Not having to deal with to much stuff and finding a place to put it makes me smile. Most would say live within your means, I say live below your means, it allows you to have the left overs to use when needed or even when wanted. If I had a huge car payment or paid a ridiculous amount for rent just so I could show that I live in a nice house or drive a nice car I would be missing out on other things. I want to teach my kids that being frugal is cool and who cares if people judge you based on what you drive or the clothes you wear they are not your true friends anyway. I mean feeling embarrassed about something materialistic is petty and when we show this to our children they will grow up thinking they should be ashamed of what they have if its not as good as the neighbors. Showing hard work and dedication for the things you do want, and then feeling good because you worked for it, feels so much better than just getting your way all the time because you can. I would rather drive a beater car, so I could save for a home for my family then have a nice car and no savings account. For some reason the world has gotten things mixed up over the years and I admit to have fallen in that path. I can still remember not thinking that their was anything wrong with the house I lived in as kid until I heard someone make a comment and snicker about it. This is were the insecurities come in and if I teach my children right from the beginning my hope is only that they will be able to withstand the worldly mess that they will have to live in. Feeling judged by those you thought were your friends or want them to be your friends is a huge blow to a kid and even an adult. So I blabbed and blabbed only to say frankly I don't care. I know were I stand and I am so grateful for those who love me for me and I am so thankful for my amazing family! I am happy and healthy and surrounded by amazing people what more could a girl as for? Life is filled with choices and with those choices come conceqeunces whether good or bad. Nobody is perfect not should we expect them to be, everyone has short comings and struggles. I am going to be real, be true, and hold strong to what I know is right no matter the judgements cast in my direction. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!" :)