Real quick

I was thinking a lot about the video that was posted on you tube showing Mitt Romney being asked about his views on gay marriage by a gay Vietnam vet. People were just bashing the video and saying how Mitt looked stupid and how he avoided the question, when he did nothing of the sort. He replied with a perfect statment on his beliefs. It was simple yet showed how he felt about the topic. It really makes me angry when people throw this topic around. Really angry!! I have absolutly nothing against gay people I feel that they have the right to choose as they please. We are all given agency and they can live life as they want and as Americans and a country full of diversity we should have tolerance of others just as they do of us, because we are all different. However, when people freak out and think that they deserve the right to be married to their partner because they live here.... it blows my mind. I firmly believe they are making a choice reguardless of the fact they feel like they are born that way. Thats like me saying I was born fat. Well truthfully I kinda was but my point it we are all born the same sinless amazing beautiful children of our Heavenly Father. Its the things in life that form and mold us however once again your life is a choice.... I could also say well because of things that happened to me in my life I am an alcoholic, or a druggy or what have you! No matter how you are raised you make the choice of what your furture holds. You make the choice to be different people except you as you are but please do not infrindge upon our rights to vote against something that goes against what we believe or how we feel because you made a different choice.
OK I could go on and on but I have to so much to do today so that all I got for now!!

Check this out!!

My friend Sarahs blog is doing giveaways!! Today is something I super duper want and so I am blogging about it for an extra entry! YAY!
Here it is go check her blog out!
http://confessionsofasailorswife.blogspot.com/2011/12/super-awesome-totally-amazing-holday_14.html

Thanksgiving

Well the month on November has came and went! Actually this year has came and went way to fast. This month we moved into our place unpacked and decorated in a weekend only for me to decide 2 weeks later that I wanted to change it all around. I think my husband is now used to my crazy ideas 20 minutes before company is to arrive. He was standing in the kitchen staring at me and just said well if you want to do that go ahead and walked away. Don't we all wish we could have husbands that smile genuinely and say, "of course dear". Yeah, well I got it all done in 15 minutes that includes hooking all the speakers back up. Until we tried to start a movie and couldn't hear anything.... ooopss! Maybe next time he will help me :) Anyway then it was of course time for Thanksgiving which we had at my grandmas house it was great the food rocked. It was way different than I am used to though, but that's ok. I love Thanksgiving were you all do things together, the guys and kids head out for some turkey bowl, the ladies make appetizer's that we eat all day until we finally sit down to a table of food around 3 and pig out even more. Then everyone waddles off somewhere for a much needed nap only to wake up and play games and laugh and laugh about dumb things. Most of the time I can do anything and make then laugh as they are all slightly tipsy and its easy to also win the games ;) However, it was great food and a good time. Then William and I went out for some black Friday shopping which isn't really even back Friday its more like after you eat dinner Thursday night shopping. (DUMB) I hate that the stores open on Thanksgiving I think they should all at least wait til midnight. But of course Walmart wants to take over the world so they opened at 10. William and I were there cheating our way through the store... meaning stuff that was not wrapped we grabbed and put in our cart and covered with a coat. However the DVD section was guarded with the men in blue so we waited 2 more hours just for DVD's. It was 3 minutes until 10 and I was about to fall asleep in the box of dvd's until suddenly one person reached in for a dvd! Then the chaos began plastic was thrown everywhere people were pushing and shoving! I grabbed what I wanted and casually headed over to the checkout line and watched the craziness from afar... haha suckers!! Jk that's mean after all I had cheated and snuck around and got what I wanted hours earlier. I did see some old lady about ready to get into a fight over a 1.67 DVD that was pretty interesting. Then we headed out for Best Buy the line already had about 250 people however we decided to stand for the next 3 hours til the opened. We met some interesting people a young couple who met in college. The girl adorable and sweet the guy nice but different. There was also some nice people handing out hot cocoa and coffee. Thats nice but no thanks I am weird about taking stuff like that from people. Grosses me out! Anyway after our long FREEZING cold 3 hour wait we ran inside only to not get what we wanted and ended up with a crappy blu ray player that we took back the next day. It was fun and William and I had a good time however I dont think I will ever stand in line like that again. It would have to be a pretty good deal and something really wanted. Plus the fact that people are insane... I mean did you hear about the pepper spray lady? Seriously? I prefer to not get stabbed in the store over a toy. I need to be better about shopping all year and putting things up in the closet so I am not rushing around in November trying to get what I want. PS I am still not done shopping! Oh yeah and I almost forgot my favorite shopping trip of the night. CVS, I know you are thinking LOOSER! But not when I tell you I got a sonicare toothbrush normally 112 bucks for 14.99 oh yeah and a norelco electric shaver normally 69.99 for 16.99. Then got a 10 dollar gift card that I then used to purchase my walmart items. It was a great November but common December and bring on the SNOW!!

The Hand Your Dealt

Excuse my poker analogy....
When I look back on my life I feel like I was dealt a crappy hand. I have always been the person that asks why me? I have let it eat me alive, I live to serve and love it. I am good at putting on my makeup but don't like to look at myself in the mirror when I have to take it off. I can pretend to be the life of the party and have always like attention. If I am not the center or at least enjoying myself then why I am here. I have always felt like I can get my way, and if I don't you better watch out. If you haven't seen me at my worst then you don't know me. If you know me you know I can be a real you know what and can be your worst enemy. Why am I telling you this? Because I am ready to throw those cards away. I am tired of holding them in my hand and looking at them and still feeling lost no matter how good the hand is....
Yesterday I woke up with a mild headache. This is a pretty normal thing for me so I thought nothing of it. Went to church, had dinner with the mother in law afterwards. The whole time my head is pounding but once again thought nothing of it this is just a day in the life of Caryn. I came home a took a nap, when I woke up I didn't really know were I was. I didn't know what day it was, I thought my husband was getting ready to go to work. After about 10 minutes my brain was kinda back on track, but the pain was to much. I have dealt with migraines before but nothing like this. The left side of my body was weak my face felt tense and my speech was slurred. I was just going to deal though because.... this was the hand I was dealt. Our health insurance doesn't kick in until the 1st we our so broke. Why would I go to the doctor? Well of course my husband insisted because hey who wouldn't take their half brain dead spouse to the ER? I always say I never want to go because of money... always. What the real reason? The real reason is because going back to the cards, I feel like I have been dealt a crappy hand. I just know when I go they are going to tell me I have a brain tumor and 3 months to live. When I think about the possibilities of being ill I can deal with it. I cant leave my kids I wont leave my kids EVER. Its not an option in my mind it is just not possible.
When I was 3 my father was murdered at gun point, when I was 7 my granddad committed suicide, when I was 9 my grandfather died of cancer, when I was 12 my mother got divorced, when I was 14 my mother admitted to me that she was using, when I was 15 I was all alone left to fend for myself. I lived life like I wanted, I had no one to answer to, I made bad choices along with some good ones. I just lived. That's all I did I just existed, I did what I needed to do so no one asked questions. I put on a happy smile and live life because I did not know what else to do. I was broken inside and have never done anything about it. I cried myself to sleep in my apartment at the age of 17 on Christmas Eve because once again I was alone. Even now I have an amazing husband two beautiful children and a life and I still just live it. WHY? I am always one to preach about black and white areas saying there is no gray and yet I have been living in the grey for 25 years. I don't embrace life the way I should I don't appreciate things the way I should I don't love like I should. I have walked around living on egg shells just waiting for them to break. My heart cant take it anymore the anxiety that I have built up inside me is coming out in other areas. I need to live, I need to love, and I need to stop looking back at the cards that don't even matter. Most of all I need to rely on my Heavenly Father.
I have been selfish and mean and uncaring because I am wrapped up still in my own life my past life. The life I don't even life anymore the life that I cant get ride of that's not letting me live my current life. The thing is I am choosing it.... but I am done! I have been giving the tools I need to make it better to allow my kids to have the life they deserve. We all get handed a crappy hand sometimes and we just have to play it, make it, live it! Because its only a matter of time before you get a royal flush. My royal flush has been here I just haven't seen it I haven't been able to live it because I have been living the life of a crappy hand that doesn't even exist anymore. Joy is mine for the taking its here it real anyone can have it no matter what their hand is.
I need to become me again so I can be the best I can be for my family. Not hide behind someone who seeks social attention for the fear of being alone. I was never alone I just allowed myself to feel alone. Life is mine for the taking and I am taking it. I am going to live it and love it because hey it could always be worse ;)

PS I am not dying....

Childlike

You know when you are kid and everyone is jumping in the mud puddle, and tells you to join, even though you know you shouldn't? Sometimes as an adult I feel this way, I hate feeling judged and it only makes me feel even more insecure with my actions, things I say and who I am as a person. I am real, I have a heart, a soul and feelings. I feel like sometimes the world today fills kids minds with the idea that its ok to just join in with the crowd and just be normal. That way you will never have to feel uncomfortable or awkward. Parents fill their children with fake self esteem when they baby them and do everything for them. It scares me to think about my kids and how hard I try to help them be independent and strong and only to look at myself and think about who I am. You know when you are eighteen and you think "oh my gosh I am an adult" I mean you pretty much think you know it all. I look back now and even at a mere 25 I sometimes still feel like I tend to get lost in the masses. I know who I am within my core, and only when I am able to experience that again do I realize, "wow I really do love me" To be honest I am a redneck a real true redneck. Someone who would swim in the horse tank on a hot afternoon, rode in the bed of a truck at a young age and saw nothing wrong with it, went fishing and gutted a fish like it was nothing I could go on and on. Things that I actually miss, I think growing up redneck while others may laugh is great. I think families are closer than those who live in the hustle and bustle of the city, I think kids are taught responsibility from a young age, and heck if there was a huge natural disaster and you had to make something out of nothing... could you do it? Ok let me be clear, we might have been redneck and slightly trashy redneck to be honest. I am not saying I want my kids to have mullets and cutoffs with a weed hanging out of their mouth. I just love the idea of being on a farm and doing things as a family that really matter. I mean going to the movies is fun and all but going horseback riding all day with the fam is even funner. (I know that's not a word) I just think once we get older and get past the "I am moving out of this town and going to show everyone I am better than that" state of mind. You look back and realize wow that really was not that bad. I am ok with being naive and maybe not be up in the know, I am ok with my stress being the chickens aren't laying enough eggs. hehe I think the simple life is amazing and can only bring me closer to the best things in life and the life to come. This talk is one of my favorites, its a talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf called "The Things That Matter Most." It is a great talk and really puts life into perspective. Since William and I have decided to just live with what we need it has been so much less stress. We have decluttered our lives, I no longer how a house full of things I have just want I need. I may not have a kitchen full of all the latest cool gadgets but I can make a meal just as good without all that and have a lot less dishes to do too. I hate clutter as I am sure most do and just letting go feels so good. Not having to deal with to much stuff and finding a place to put it makes me smile. Most would say live within your means, I say live below your means, it allows you to have the left overs to use when needed or even when wanted. If I had a huge car payment or paid a ridiculous amount for rent just so I could show that I live in a nice house or drive a nice car I would be missing out on other things. I want to teach my kids that being frugal is cool and who cares if people judge you based on what you drive or the clothes you wear they are not your true friends anyway. I mean feeling embarrassed about something materialistic is petty and when we show this to our children they will grow up thinking they should be ashamed of what they have if its not as good as the neighbors. Showing hard work and dedication for the things you do want, and then feeling good because you worked for it, feels so much better than just getting your way all the time because you can. I would rather drive a beater car, so I could save for a home for my family then have a nice car and no savings account. For some reason the world has gotten things mixed up over the years and I admit to have fallen in that path. I can still remember not thinking that their was anything wrong with the house I lived in as kid until I heard someone make a comment and snicker about it. This is were the insecurities come in and if I teach my children right from the beginning my hope is only that they will be able to withstand the worldly mess that they will have to live in. Feeling judged by those you thought were your friends or want them to be your friends is a huge blow to a kid and even an adult. So I blabbed and blabbed only to say frankly I don't care. I know were I stand and I am so grateful for those who love me for me and I am so thankful for my amazing family! I am happy and healthy and surrounded by amazing people what more could a girl as for? Life is filled with choices and with those choices come conceqeunces whether good or bad. Nobody is perfect not should we expect them to be, everyone has short comings and struggles. I am going to be real, be true, and hold strong to what I know is right no matter the judgements cast in my direction. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!" :)

Old video

This is from our first fall in Texas :) We drove all the way to Tyler, tx and spent the day. We have no desire to go back hehe. William is also making a Sprite commercial for everyone LOL

Our Chevy Chase Day

This day was filled with adventures that made us crack up at ourselves. It started off with the fact that we had to drive a really old van. People were staring at us, probably because we would wave and smile at everyone who looked at us. We were all smashed in this thing. I mean fitting my rear between two car seats is not easy. We drove all the way to Markleeville, California in this thing. I was pleasantly surprised at the get up and go it had up the mountains hehe. Anyway it was a fun ride, and so worth it the mountains were amazing and the hot springs refreshing!

We then proceeded to feed a little squirell which we probably were not supposed to do. But the kids enjoyed it I couldjust imagine the things mouth start to foam and it jump in the old van and start attacking Williams mom or something. HAHA William also decided to change his clothes behind the door of the van! We spared you that part and it is not in the video. hehe

We the headed home and I wanted to record the mountians cause I knew I would miss them. The whole time I videoed upside down! Dont ask me how it looked right from my point of view.

Needless to say it was a great day!! California was beautiful as always and the weather was great, a little chilly for us people from H-E double hockey stick or (Texas) but it was amazing. Cant wait to go back!

Video in Nevada

Oh how I miss the outdoors :)

It been to long....

Sometimes I like to avoid my blog... and just read what everyone else is doing in life. But there has been so many cool and exciting things going on I thought I should share.

1. Cadyn started school!! He is big! I was way more nervous than he was for SURE. I talked about it everday til about Thursday. My husband keep telling me to get my emotions in check cause I was going to scare the kids. haha yeah I am slightly crazy. Well it is now Friday I picked up Cadyn with a smile on his face. He got to pick out pay dough from the treasure bin this week for staying in the green all week (that means he was good) He is doing amazing, I think letting him go and be independent put me into shock for a couple days...but seeing his joy and love for school has made me feel amazing!! Also having only one kid in the house I feel like wow, I have no reason not to get everything done. I had the house all clean by lunchtime and then felt like I wasnt sure what to do. Collyn and I hang out and play and watch Veggie tales :) Its been great!

2.We went to Carson and saw friends and family. It was so fun! A week just was not enough, I actually could have just stayed there as I am sure William felt the same. But as you can see we are back in Texas. Yea! Anyway we got to see friends we havent got to see in a long time. It was great, to see kids that were babys just last year that are so big now. Kids that werent even on this earth yet last year and are already sitting. Others who were just crawlers and are now runners hehe. It was so bitter sweet, it makes me miss home and all the people that go with it. I have more pictures but, I now have a smart phone and I am not even smart enough to use it. SO I dont know how to put the pictures online. I will post more later...

Happy Healthier ME!

Ok so for some time now I have been needing to loose a lot of weight. Quite honestly close to about 50lbs would make me feel good. My mom has always been the best example to me of weight loss as I have seen her drop lbs quickly by doing natural diets over the years. No diet pills, only clean healthly foods. So starting August 22nd I will start my journey! I have to stick to it, no excuses! I have no reason why I cant do it, only my head telling me stupid things. I know at least the first week maybe 2 will suck but it will be worth it. I am saying this because if I put it out there and tell people I have to stick to it. I would honestly put my weight on here but I dont even know how much I weigh I dont even own a scale. So once I invest in one of those I will tell everyone were I am at and were I want to be. I know this is not going to be easy for me, I am going to try to bring my family in on this as much as I can. However my boys will need to keep the basic food groups in their diets as they need everything they eat. As for William I am hoping I can get him to join me as I am sure he will maybe just not to the extreme that I am going. The sad part about that is I am sure he will drop 20lbs in his sleep like men tend to do. On a positive note I know he will support me and be a huge strength as I kick my body into shape. I am not expecting to have a bikini body as having kids changes to many things. Even with a flat tummy there are some things people just should be spared. I have to do this! I can do this!! I am ready to do this! Start to finish! Not that there ever is a finish to a healthy lifestyle, it will be an ongoing life change for me. I am just ready for this and ready to start from the beginning and not try to jump somewhere in the middle only to eventually give up when I stop seeing results. I know this works, I know this will work for me and I am excited for the change and to be a happier healthier me!

My Masterpiece Theater

Who wouldn't want their life to be a little bit of masterpiece theater? Well.... some of it, I mean who wouldn't want to marry Mr. Darcy and kiss in the rain. Anyway we were watching a really good movie last night (Jane Eyre) that reminded me of Masterpiece theater. Most of the time William laughs when we watch romantic movies and ruins the moment every time. I get all annoyed and tell him he just has no heart and cant relate to the characters. Last night he made it all the way through the whole movie without laughing! I couldn't believe it, I was like hmmm were you sleeping or what? He said, "these movies are examples of real life, they show people with struggles and sorrow and of course they always fall in love but its all done in a real way." I think it took me a minute to really grasp that my husband the "robot" was talking about love and not laughing. I guess I just always thought he had no understanding of love, and that everything was a joke to him. Then and there I completely agreed with him, yes, I still will love a good romantic comedy but its so true they are all so fake and planned out and you can see the ending ten minutes in to the movie. It made me see my husband in a new light, that he is not a robot he just believes in real love. Maybe I am the one who doesn't know what that is and therefore cannot express it. Ok random therapy rant..... have a great weekend!

Your name is what?

So today was the day.... William and I went to get our "couples massage" and I was super nervous! It was almost like I was driving to the girl doctor for some reason. I think just the thought of being partially naked in front of someone makes me ill no matter who it is. (even my husband at times) So William and I get there and the place was so nice it smelt good the music was nice. We begin by filling out our little paper work, William who has previously had a massage was drawing all over the body picture on the sheet. I was like what the heck are you doing? He just ignores me when he is annoyed with my questions. The lady behind the desk was like, "any preference for male or female?" William was like, "I don't want a mans hands rubbing me down!" I looked at her and smiled and said "my husband would like a female and I don't care either way" She hands us a paper with the massage therapists names on them. William looks at mine and was like "wait that ones mine" as I look at the paper and it says Jennifer, his paper said Reagan. I was like well... Reagan is a girls name so I am pretty sure they are both girls. He was like "give me the Jennifer one". Ok, ok geez, I was thinking seriously they are both girls!
Well lo and behold Reagan was a man. Dangit, I was thinking, I wish I had said I wanted a girl too. To late now! We head back and they ask if we needed to use the restroom. William was like um yeah.... He looks at me and is like "I need those" I was like need what? He look at me with his annoyed face and was like "I need those!" I was getting sightly embarrassed, and was like "William we will get dressed in the room." He was like OH, ok.
I am sure the massage people where like what the heck? I am sure they thought we where like either weird and kinky or my husband had a medical condition that he did not list on the paper. So, we get to our room they show us where to put our clothes and walk out of the room. I reach in my bag and throw Williams BATMAN, underwear at him. This was the "those" item he was referring to at the bathroom stop!
Anyway the massage was going well, I mean I did not enjoy him rubbing my legs at all. Not even relaxing. I was excited as he moved to my back, UNTIL..... my hand was cupping something I did not want to be touching. At first I was thinking naaa its just his upper thigh maybe his arm? I was thinking what the heck should I do? I mean if I pull my hand away quickly he would obviously know that I was assuming it was his...... well, manhood. If I just laid there and did nothing then I felt like I was committing a horrible sin. Then when it happened a second time! I was like ok that is not his upper thigh. Gross... so not only was I already uncomfortable, but then you not once, but twice you have your pelvis area to close to the table. So as he stepped away from the table I pulled my hands in as close to my body as they would go and the experience did not happend again. Thank goodness!
Yes, I told my husband when we got out to the car. He just laughed at me! He was like "see.... that is exactly why I would never have a man rubbing my back" I was thinking yeah well whatever who names their boy Reagan anyway!

A need a real journal

I love my blog, however there are things you just cant say. This would have been one of those posts but instead I will just talk about how I personally would benifit from a journal.
1. I would be able to express my feelings without judgment
2. I would be able to release stress if need be through my writting.
3. I would not feel like I was hurting or offending anyone by my writting.
4. Nobody will read it til after I am dead so they cant make fun of me. :)
5. Sometimes I feel like I have no girlfriends to talk to from the heart anymore so at least I can talk to myself. hehe
6. I know by doing a journal I am also following advice from leaders :) which in turn may actually teach me something.

and thats all folks

Love this show!

Does anyone else watch The Nate Berkus Show? I really really love that show, I enjoy home decor and think its fun! I like to take nothing and make it something, I dream about decorating. I know I am soooo cool right... I can picture rooms in my head and place things were I want them. Its fun and free haha being that I picture all this junk in my mind and cannot do it in my own house since well, that would cost money! haha Anyway about The Nate Berkus show.... This lady was trying to sell her house which by the way was super cute. She just has so much CRAP, you know those old lady houses that are just filled with nic nacks and you want to PUKE. I mean sometimes it can bring back great memories at grandmas house but you wouldnt want live there for fear you would suffocate! This poor woman just had no shame she was SO proud of her house! However, she was trying to sell it and they people that walked in the door pretty much turned around and walked out. Then this poor lady shows up on the show with a freakin bandaid on her face! I mean seriously she is a super cute older lady her clothes are fashionable she is addorable. I just find it very strange that she has a bandaid on her face. I was thinking maybe she cut herself shaving? Some old people men and woman has hair issues, then she just forgot it was there. I am not sure why nobody told her before she walked out on to a national television show. I feel bad for her as I am sitting here watching her and bad mouthing her bandaid and her house. It did give me a good laugh though. :) Maybe she was trying to pull a "Nelly" stunt. I really have no idea. Then at the end she gives Nate a aqwardly long sensual type kiss, I mean it was on the cheek but still extremly uncomfortable. Ok I am done with my random rant about an old lady. If you have not seen the Nate Berkus show you should better than Martha Stewart anyday!!

New Place

We often watch golfers from one of the two patios

Cadyn was trying to help out our awesome maintenance guy fix the door.
Collyn loves swimming, if we arent home you know where to find us.

WallE is enjoying the new place too.

I love having a built in for the TV awesome space saver.






Love LOVE the jetted tub

Flat top stoves ROCK so easy to clean









My shoes have a place!

Cute built in shelving














Living room

Kitchen

Fireplace SO EXCITED to use this during the winter

Dining area

Bedroom, there is a super cute nook off to the right that goes out onto a private patio.


















We are really enjoying our new place. However it always seems we move in next to smokers I am not sure why this always happens but at lease these places are built really well and we cant smell anything. I feel like we are fairly even they have to listen to my kids run around above them, and I have to occasionally smell their smoke when I am outside. The only difference is my kids wont kill them! On a happy note, I am having fun decorating, to bad I am not rich so I could fill my house with decor :) I am sure it will take me a year to get everything I want in the place that I want. It would be amazing to me if we lived here for a year though since we seem to move all the time. This is actually the first place that we really love though. The fireplace goes through into the boys room at first I was kinda nervous but I love it. I can spy on them while they play. We also have a garage! I know, I know, to some this may just be your everyday but to me this is a luxury! My car loves it and the leather in my car will thank me. Oh and I have 2 pantry's TWO! Ahh food storage here I come! Anyway we are ready for visiters!! :)

This is for you... you know who you are!

Things have been super super busy, we are moving to our new place on Saturday YAY! I am so excited! I look around and think I have a lot packed and then I open another drawer and there is still stuff. I hate packing hate it! I love unpacking though, I love to decorate and figure out where things are going to go. This time I am overly excited because we are getting new furniture. We have to buy a new bed because we are awesome and have been sleeping on an air mattress (person this is for you can relate to this hehe) Anyway I popped the mattress while packing, I through a suitcase on it and put a hole in it. Note to self ...never throw a suitcase a someone it really could hurt them. Obviously, my suitcase did not like the mattress because I couldnt find anything pokey that could pierce something. Needless to say we are sleeping on the floor until we get moved. I refuse to buy something and then have to move it again. The cool thing about all this is we are pretty much not moving any of our large furniture. We are buying the boys bunk beds, we are getting a new bed, and the new living room furniture. That only leave the kitchen table and chairs, and the washer and dryer as the big items. SWEET! That also means we can save more on our uhaul. Oh my goodness I would say we are seriously so blessed and go on and on about this great move, but then again I have now read the blog seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com and never want to be "one of those people" haha. Love that blog! Anyway things are great, kids are good, school SUCKS, husband is super duper, and I well I am just truckin along. PS I think you need to take a road trip or plane trip or whatever mode of transportation you feel necessary and come here. I miss you face and your laugh and of course your furry black child, oh and your husband too!If you leave tonight you can help me pack! :) See you on the flip side everyone...Will post pics of the new place, once is decorated of course!

Happy Days

When I look back through the years I can laugh. I am sure I will have many more of these moments in the future. The trails that we are going through now some day wont matter. As for now I just look back on the short time I have been here. I have made so many great friends and so not so good friends. I have had good experiances and bad experiances. But, isnt this what life is all about? We live and try to make the best choices and do the best we can to choose the right. I cannot say I have always choosen the right, however I feel like I have done pretty darn good with what I was handed. We get stuck in the mud sometimes and it sucks, you can either sit and squabble in it and pull yourself down further or look around and think about your options and then choose the best one. I have been feeling really let down by someone latley and the dumb part is there is no real reason that I could pin point. I am just feeling hurt, and currently I am the one squabbling in the mud and complaining in my mind over something that really doesnt matter. Its not affecting me in my day to day life it doesnt effect my family and really it just plainly doesnt matter. Or does it? I have always been a believer that people are put in our lives for certian reasons. Those people who have influenced my life for the better I hold dear to my heart. I strive to be a good friend, and find it to be a blessing to have so many good friends. I am easily hurt by people who take advantage of this type of thing. I am not perfect and for sure have stepped on several toes in my life. I just love it when friendships are easy, they just happen and they just are, the flow of a good friendship makes my face hurt from hours of smiling. I am so blessed to have moved to Texas and through all the trials it was so worth it to gain some amazing friendships. If I had a glass of sparkling cider I would clank it together with all of "ya'll" here is to many more family dinners, game nights, and girls nights!

Vacation Home

I think this was the quickest trip I have ever taken but it was AWESOME!! I got to see almost everyone on my trip and it was great! to bad I forgot my camera. The trip started off with a plane ride that was more like a roller coaster. I woke up at 3am to catch my plane and say goodbye to the boys and the hubby. Collyn was crying and it was breaking my heart as I walked away. My heart was pounding as I got the airport I haven't flown by myself in years! I know that sounds lame but I really do not like flying at all, and taking a trip by myself without the kids and hubby was a first for me. As I got ready to board the plane I looked out the window to see the tiniest plane I have ever seen, besides the ones that they have to flick the spinner thing in the front. As I boarded there was one seat on one side and two seats on the other. Seriously the smallest plane EVER!! Luckily I did not have to sit next to someone with as large of a rear end as mine or we would have been in for some (uncomfortable) trouble. As I landed in Denver and realized I had to exit the plane by walking down the stairs and onto the tarmac I remembered I had left the sweater I was going to bring on my bed at home. It was instant goosebumps as I walked out into the windy rain weather. Then the "bag people" drug all the luggage out from under the plane and allowed all their lovely passengers to sift through and grab their bags! What the heck? I felt like I had just landed in a foreign country! It was hard to believe that service like this still existed in the US. Not saying I expect first class, and for the price I paid for that ticket I really should not have expected more. After making way to Billings in another tiny plane I was relieved to arrive and get the vacation started. My mom picked my up and we headed to my cousin Tamis beautiful spanking new house for lunch. It was great to see her girls and Brady boy who is so big and cute as ever. We then headed off to Worland where I got to meet my moms boyfriend for the first time. I have to be honest I was a little worried! (sorry mom) However, I was pleasantly surprised and think Earnie fits so well into our family. He is awesome and I am so happy for them. We went out to dinner at Butch's for my birthday and enjoyed a yummy buffalo burger. Then I headed out for a crazy night with my cousin, then watching her barf the next morning really reminds me that FOR SURE I am not missing out on anything. It was great to catch up with some old friends though. I had been awake for 24 hours since my plane left at 3 am the morning before and I figured it was time for bed. Then when the sun came up a couple hours later my mom and I where off to Casper and then her car broke down. Awesome it never fails that something like this always happens when we are together. After that dilemma we where on our way to Casper and made it in time for dinner. I met my cousins boyfriend and for sure he is a keeper! Her kids are also getting so big and super cute! The next morning we headed off to Guernsey to see Lacey graduate. Her graduation was one of the best graduations I have ever been to EVER! It was interesting and fun. We then headed to her house for the party afterwards and it was super fun! I miss my sisters already and all my family it was so great to be able to see all of them even though it was a short trip it was well worth it. I finally made it home after hours of layovers and the possibility of having to sleep in the Denver airport I made it home safely, just in time for the lovely tornado's! That's a whole nother story though!

~mother, I love beans!! BAHAHA

Under the thumb

Do you ever feel like you are always being judge? I often have felt the anxiety of "well what would they think"? "how are they going to find a way to make fun of me"? On and on, sometimes I think people are like this unintentionally, I don't think they really engage their brain before speaking. Sometimes I still find myself holding onto these things. Often times letting them take hold of me and form me into something I don't want to be. Why does it matter? After all does Heavenly Father really care if I have a brand new car? or a house full of designer furniture? NO, he cares about my heart and who I am not the things that surround my life. Embarrassment is something that is taught and not from Heavenly Father. It causes people to feel like they need to impress those around them to make themselves feel better. I did not grow up in a house that taught judgment or embarrassment. Heck our house was not the cutest house on the block growing up. Often times I found myself to be embarrassed, but why? Of course I am in control of my own feelings, however when you know you are being judged by those who are around you it hurts. I never want that for my kids, I want their friends to except them as they are that includes everything. If they don't then they are not true friend and even worse not very good examples. For me personally this causes me to pull away from Heavenly Father and seek after things that have no real meaning. As for today I am letting them go.... I am in a great place in life and couldn't love it more! Nobody really knows my life except those friends that I am surrounded by. People can think they know and make up your life in their mind, but once again they really have no idea. However I am starting to get to the point were I have to come from a different perspective. I have to see it through Heavenly Fathers eyes and not the eyes of the world. I have never been happier, I have my awesome family and some super great friends. True friends take you as you are, shortfalls and all. There are also those friend who I am not surrounded by that are still a strength to me and I am so grateful for that as well. I love life, Heavenly Father has blessed me with a great husband who is so strong and such a strength to me as well. I am just so thankful to be along side him with our great boys! Its also time to try for a girl! :) I was hoping for twins just to only have to be pregnant once and get two bundles of joy. Since that is highly unlikely guess we will just have to have another 2 close together. That was my morning random rant.....time to get my day started.

Playing catchup

Here are some short blurps to things that we have experienced this last month.....

My son peed in a cup for the first time (FYI he really had no other option) It took some very very long contemplation before he figured he could do it. The horrible part was as we where sitting in the Carls Jr. drive through for the last 25 minutes they kindly asked me to pull forward and I sat out front for another 10! I walked in and kindly threw the McDonalds cup in the trash! Wouldn't want to litter or anything plus they made me wait to long they deserved it!

Our cat/dog decided to show back up on mothers day after six months of being gone. WallE returned to our house and is more like a dog than a cat. He whines when he wants to go out and go potty! Which is awesome because I do not like litter boxes they are SICK! Anyway we missed him and he crawled in bed with us like he never left. Little does he now he will now be taken in to get snipped (poor guy)

I bought some awesome neon food coloring to do a cake for a baby shower. My kids somehow climbed up on the counter and got it our of the baking cabinet. I was just sweeping and mopping the kitchen thinking nothing of it. Cadyn often makes his own PB&J's (I think its important to teach my kids to be self suffciant) Anyway so I didn't even really look up. Next thing I know they are playing their bedroom like they often do. Collyn comes running out with something all over his legs. I figured it was marker (which we don't have in our house unless they are supervised) Then I thought hmmm we don't have markers? I walked into the room to see the "RAINBOW" carpet! There carpets was ruined and Collyn had pink face for about 3 days! We will be replacing the carpet before we move out... yay us!

Fun

Family Pictures

We had an awesome time getting out pictures done! Thanks to a super great photographer and her hubby helper. We love you Bonnie!

Thanks Again!

Worst mother of the year award!

I am still shaking, and can run faster than I ever thought I could. Picture this.......I was talking with a neighbor holding this baby that I have been watching. My boys where in the car asleep when I pulled up. So I just got out left the door open and the windows down and was talking with my neighbor. Cadyn woke up and was sitting in the front passenger seat. Which I felt was ok since I was only like 10 -12 ft from the car. Well I was wrong, Cadyn pulled my car into reverse and my car started to roll down the driveway. The girl next door was like screaming, I really did not know I could run that fast. WHOA, was I mad and scared all at the same time! FYI the car was not running nor where the keys in the ignition. I guess you should never assume that your car requires the brake to be pushed to be put into gear! My E brake will be on from know on when my car is in the drive. Not that my kids will be playing in the car but seriously that was so scary! The crappy part is I was talking with my neighbor about someone else and how their "mom" skills weren't the best. Awesome, just goes to show that anything can happen anywhere and of course it happened to me and there where people around to see how dumb I am! AWESOME! I promise I don't let me kids play with knives or anything so there is no need to call cps! I am sure I will get a big enough lecture from my husband when he gets home.
Sincerely,
The worst mother

Cake Continuation

Ok, so the cake was yummy!! We decided to cook it in the crock pot to add some more to the experiment. I would not recommend this unless you have done it before. I have never done it, and well lets just say it would have been easier if I just stuck to what I know. Most of the cake cooked, but even on low it still was soupy on the top. I think just because that is the way that crock pots cook. Anyway it started to smell like it was burning so I took it out and flipped it upside down on a cookie sheet and put it in the over at 325 and cooked it for about 10 more minutes and it was done. We ate it warm and though it was great but I am sure you can eat it however you like. If you want to try it for yourself here is the recipe....


1 1/3 c. all purpose flour
1/2 c. corn meal
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
6 Tbsp. softened butter
3/4 c. gran. sugar
1/4 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
1/2 c. milk
a dash of cinnamon
1 c. of cherry pie filling (you could use fresh)

In a mixing bowl I added the flour, corn meal, baking powder, and salt. Then I mixed together, the sugars, eggs, and butter in a separate bowl. Then I added it to the mixing bowl of dry ingredients then slowly poured in the milk. Don't over mix it. Then fold in the cherry filling and the cinnamon. It should be lightly swirled through the batter. Then I baked it in the crock pot on high for like 90 minutes. But I would bake it in the oven at 325 for about 25 minutes. Watch it on the time since I didn't cook it in the over I am not sure how long to leave it in for. Maybe start with 15 and check it from there. Let me know if you try and it and what you think. You could also use other fruit of your choice too. Like I said we ate it warm with vanilla ice cream. You could eat it however.

Here ya go

Seems like every time we have people over for dinner, they are always asking me "now how did you make this?" They think I am crazy when I reply, "um I don't really know!" I often times pull whatever I have in the cabinets out and make something up. I do a lot of smelling of ingredients, and several taste tests. So, I figured if I started writing things down as I did it I can always hand off a recipe to share. Today I am going to try something new. I love corn bread A LOT! I can just eat corn bread for a snack, its super yummy. So I figured why cant I make corn bread into a cake? So this is what I am going to try.... Cherry corn bread cake. Sounds yummy to me, I don't know about you! Recipe and pictures will follow.....hopefully it will not be a flop! See you on the flip side hopefully it will be a good one!

mmmm elk

So I know Texas is not known for its large herds of elk, but I really just want a nice big elk steak! I would even settle for some nice buffalo at this point. I am sick of eating turkey and chicken over and over. I am ok with buying beef from the store sometimes but I just know its not good quality meat. I have been thinking I really want to start canning. I of course will do veggies and fruits. However I really want to can, chili and soups, and meats. This would really help our food storage and also save us money in the long run. Well, since I did not marry a orange vest wearing Wyoming boy, the search is left up to me. I know Oklahoma had big game hunting, but I just don't know if I really really can hack things like that anymore. The city girl has slowly taken over my life. I used to be a toughie which I can be if its needed, but now I tend to get ill over the slightest nasty smell. Could be from months of being very sick while pregnant. Not sure but my stomach can only handle so much now. I also don't even own a gun, lol. I refuse to them in my house! I grew up with guns, I had my own gun in my closet on the top shelf. I helped butcher our meat, we canned stuff. Everything was from scratch, what has happened to me? I have boxed mac and cheese and top ramen in our food storage! I mean ok so if we are starving I am sure nobody will complain, but I really would like to be a much better homemaker. I am now on the search to find out how I can get wild game without it costing me an arm and a leg. I know they have meat markets around here where you can buy a half a beef or even pork. But I really would prefer wild game. It is so much healthier for you. Are there any hidden rednecks in our ward? haha I am thinking no! Well if you know of any information please pass it on to me. Maybe I will have to get manly and head back up north during hunting season and haul it back down here? Uh just thinking about that makes me think I will just go to the store and keep eating turkey burgers. hehe.... About canning though I really think it would be great if we could get a group together and everyone make a pot of something and we share it and can it all. Fun times and healthy eating!

So very very smart....

Yesterday we took the kids to Cicis Pizza for a family lunch. Cadyn was chowing down on a giant piece of broccoli and asked, "why is it green"? I looked at William and shrugged and said chlorophyll I think... William then goes on this big spiel about why plants are green and on and on. I am thinking how the heck does he know all this. I mean yes, my husband is very book smart. Random facts that most people would have no idea about he some how knows. Anyway, I was like wow well that's good info. Cadyn was just sitting there absorbing all of it like a sponge like he does. Which I am sure he will eventually repeat at any moment someone it talking about plants. Which will make people look at me strange like I teach my child all these scientific terms. (don't tell my husband sometimes I smile and take the credit) However, the point to my rambling is, later William tells me he learned all that on The Magic School Bus. Well at least I know we are all learning something right no matter where the knowledge comes from. Sucks, that I have to pay thousands of dollars for my education and I couldn't even answer that question for my child.

Depressing Day...More like pitty party

YAY My husband finally gave in and we do not have to move to a new house. At least for now, we are going to push through another tornado season in our manufactured home! Yes, I live in a trailer not like one of those tires on the roof tin can ones. But its still a trailer or manufactured home if you will. PS not that I am bashing trailers, I for one have lived in many. Yes, I consider myself to be classy white trash LOL jk. Anyway my husband has been having severe anxiety about living here he thinks we are going to die. Which I mean common if a tornado did hit our house we would. There is no storm shelter and no ditches because we live on a hill. But, after much thought and stress we are keeping our faith strong and hoping that a tornado doesnt land on our house. So if you do not see a post from me for a while check the news channel haha. This year has been a doosy, just yesterday there was 6 tornados about an hour some 2 hours away. This month is just the beginning and has already broken records. Lets see how the rest go! Maybe we will land in OZ!

Its done :D

I still cannot believe that I did it! Facebook is gone out of my life! Its such a relief, its amazing how much time I would find myself wasting on there. I also had many things happen, things taken out of context, people being upset because I deleted them on and on and on! Its like high school all over again. I hate drama, I often would find it fun to read into other peoples drama, which also is not a good thing. Either way I feel better I know I can spend my time doing better things that will bless my family which is the most important thing anyway. I am sure I will miss it at times but hey isnt that how all addicts feel? HAHA

A fun day

We had the best time at the zoo. Through all the meltdowns, and everything it was so worth it!We are getting a yearly membership thanks to grandma and grandpa. We are super excited to make lots more memories there.

Late Night Fiesta (10pm) Experiance

I love other cultures, I find them fascinating and enjoy being around different people and learning different things from them. So, last night was my first experience with a "Mexican" birthday party. I can say at first I was little hesitant, and beginning to get mildly crabby ok very much crabby from my husbands perspective. FYI (I tend to get this way when I really do not want to do something but know I will end up doing it anyway) After waking up to a massive migraine that morning and already upset because I did not attend church, I really did not want to go. Then I here something about fajitas and my mind starts to slightly shift. Food? now that's something that can get me moving haha. Then you throw some tres leche cake in there and you can for sure count me in! So, I throw on some clothes, and head over. It starts out pretty quiet everyone is sitting around eating and enjoying each others company. Which once again hello, Mexican party means Spanish speaking 99% English speaking 1%. So, I try to bust out some Spanglish and pretend I am comfortable. But, the food, oh the food was AMAZING. So I just stuff my face and shake my head and smile. Then the music starts.... the very loud music, from very large speakers! Everyone is having a great time the kids are having a blast and then bust out the pinata which was also great. Then the cake comes out, they shove the little girls face in and my boys and starring at me with wide eyes. Another tradition I am sure they will get used to seeing. As the sun starts to set, everyone gets out of their seats and begins to dance. Which is great, I LOVE TO DANCE...... only when its in a large group, in the dark, and to something that has more of a booty skakin beat. The style strangely reminded me of small Rock River dances where people just made up their own things and went with it. After partner dancing was over I figured I could handle just standing in a group dancing. Which was fun until they shoved me in the middle to bust a move. The first thing that comes to mind was the sprinkler!! haha a total white girl move so I just busted it out and didn't care. I was ok with all this and proceeded back to my seat after the song. Until I was asked to dance by a well lets just say we all know how tall most Mexicans are. I insisted I didn't know how and was not going to dance. After several minutes of him not understanding or just not wanting to, because hello "NO" is a world wide term, I finally gave in. BIG MISTAKE! Not only did I not know what I was doing, but I am like a foot taller than this guy so I stand out WAY more than anyone else. Finally the music started to die down and I could head back to my house, ok with looking like a fool because most likely everyone had to much to drink and wont remember the freakishly tall white girl.

Ideas from the peanut gallery

I love couponing! I think its amazing, if only I where good at it! I always start and do OK then give it up because its super time consuming and you have to organize it all and well I am not very organized! So, calling all coupon queens I need someone to take me by the hand and teach me this amazing skill. Anyone up for the task? Do they have classes or something in out area? More than likely I am capable of doing it on my own I just need to be more organized about it so that I don't get to the store and they fall all over the place. Anyone wanna join me on my challenge? Another idea I have been having... I really need to keep up with my family history I have one REALLY long line done. The others have a little here and little there. I would love to have support in this area as well since I tend to get stuck and then give up. I love family history and find it fascinating. I would love to spend all day at the family history center, but I have kids and pretty sure they would not do well. So another interest group to be added to our long list of ward groups? Hmmm I think we can squeeze one or two more in. Its not like we all aren't super busy as it is...... haha!

Larger than life

So I have recently scheduled family photos. Ok......just today I scheduled them! I feel like I will have to wear a body shrinker. Do they make such a thing? I was looking at pictures just recently that we took on a family day out, and oh my! I had to edit part of my rear-end out of a photo. You know if you have enough to edit half of it out and it still looks like you have one then there is to much junk in the trunk. Time to clean it out! AKA time for a lifestyle change. I have started walking with some friends during the week. However I also need to eat less. I love food!! Its not that we don't eat healthy we do its just I eat way to much of everything I make. I think I might do weight watchers again they have always been a great way for me to still eat what I love but not more than my body needs. It is so strange to me to be so over weight. I feel like I am still the skinny athletic person I used to be. Until I try to do something athletic only to see that my body just isn't what it used to be. Once I tried flipping around the bar at the park. You know the ones that us girls used to flip over and over seeing who could look cooler doing it. Anyway yeah um I got the wind knocked out of me and some bruised ribs! Smart idea! It feels almost like I live in a fat suit. Its like I just put this thing on and now its attached to me but underneath I still feel like I am thin. Does that makes since, some of you are probably like, "hmmm did you remember to take your meds"? The other horrible thing is as I am sitting on my "junk" typing this there is a 3 lb bag of tortilla chips next to me. It never fails that I always have an excuse. Its to cold, its to hot, our neighborhood is not "bike friendly", I am tired, on and on. I am tired of excuses I have to do something and quick. My ten year reunion is not far off, ok wait I am not that old but still it gives me time HAHA. Honestly, I don't care if I have a large rear my husband is quite fond of it. I just do not like having to wear a girdle to church. Now my secret is out and you all know. Yes, I often times wear one to church. Only to come home 3 hours later and immediately take it off so I can breath. "Pain is beauty", my mother would say as she smacked me over the head with the brush while I was whining because she was yanking my hair! Which I always went to school and ran in the bathroom and pulled it all out because I was so embarrassed. (mom I love you but glad you never finished cosmo school, for the sake of other woman) So once again pain is beauty and I like the feeling of my muscles aching after a nice long workout. Now only thing left to do.....START!

Today has been a DAY!

Today has just been one of those days!!! Not sure what it was...woke up feeling fine and then it began. Could it possibly be that I live with a 2 year old going on 3? Maybe OK most definitely!! I have no idea why people say that 2 is a horrible age. I find it to be amazing. Then they get to 3 and something happens somehow the sweet adorable kid you knew turns all crazy! I will have to confess I did have a freak out at Sonic today. I pulled up and was super excited to get some relief by sucking down a cherry limeade only to see that I left my debit card at home! It think maybe it could have a lot more to do with me at this point than my children. Being a woman we all know that sometimes we tend to get a little crabby! Yes I will blame it on PMS! Ok lets say 3/4 PMS and 1/4 children having a crabby day. Ahhh but now the days is almost over and my husband is almost home. Tomorrow is Conference and I get to fill my mind and body with the rejuvenation that it needs.

Lets try this again.......

So after help from friends and trying to get into this blogging thing, I discovered that I already had a blog! Sooo I am going to be using this one and you will all have to add yourselves because I have no idea how to find you or request that you follow me. I figure since I am really bad at keeping a journal this can be my online journal. Well kinda, there are some things that are personal or just TMI!! So I will spare you those details.